Monday, August 30, 2010

HULA or coincident lang

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars." -mandino (Pareng RAH's choice)

It’s just another way of saying like I will endure any pain just to be with the person you love, I will reach my goal no matter what it takes, I will see the world no matter how long it takes me to be there, and I will survive life just to live.

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Personally, I’ve been through tough times in my life. It came to the point too that I took my own life because I was stressed out to some situations in my life in the past. I tried na ayosin ko ang buhay ko bago man dumating ang 2012 na pag-iisip ko sa sarili ko… pero parang kulang pa rin, parang lahat ng sacrifices na ginawa ko noon parang nawala na ang lahat. I always told myself na lilipas din naman to pero KAILAN?! PAANO?! That’s the usual na sinasabi ko sa sarili ko. I tried to convince myself not to do crazy things kasi hindi ako ganon and yet nagagawa ko pa rin dahil at that moment sobrang dilim yong paningin ko!

In those darkest hours of my life, unexpectedly light came in…

It’s like this…

I was really about to shoot myself that morning… I received one email from a friend at that time na naging curious ako and to my curiosity I told myself “saka na ako magpapakamatay after ko malaman kung totoo ba ang sabi niya na yon”

So I waited her to wake up and asked her…

I told her “you just want to make me feel better with your email I know but tell me honestly totoo ba yon?!”

She certainly told me that…

“I just want to make you feel better nga but that doesn’t mean na hindi totoo yong sabi ko sayo, totoo yon!”

I was really surprised with her answer and a big part of it I was really happy dahil ang minsan na nakalimutan kong naramdaman ko for her parang nabuhay bigla.

Wala lang…

And we started to have a constant communication and unexpectedly some unusual thing happened…

Hindi naman siya matanong pero one time it just came out from her to ask na…

“ano ba course mo?”

and I told her na hulaan mo…

Halos lahat na ng course sinabi niya hanggang umabot sa pagkasabi niyang...

“Don’t tell me inclined ka sa engineering?! Anong engineering ka ba?!”

I said “yeah and hulaan mo ano sa engineering field ako!”

Lahat na ng course sa engineering sinabi niya and puro lang ako sabi na “hindi yang mga sinasabi mo”

And finally she said “don’t tell me archi ka architecture”

Then I told her that “YES! I graduated Civil Engineering and Architecture!”

She answered me back “Hindi nga?! Hindi nga?! Totoo!? Wag magbiro!”

Nafeel ko kung gaano siya nataranta, nafeel ko kung gano siya parang natatakot and nafeel ko that moment yong saya yong ngiti niya and parang naramdaman kong she’s so cold hearing to what I just told her…

And I laughed and told her straight na “oo nga! Ano ba kasi ang meron?!”

Then she revealed…

She was telling me with this dream she had years way back… she keep on dreaming about it, a guy na laging nagdadala ng ruler…

… and one of her friend nong college pa siya na hinulaan siya and ang sabi bago siya mag 30 years old she will meet an architect and that person will be her fate or somehow to be her partner in life.

So ako sabi ko “owwss?” Then I added “hala ka!”

We were just laughing and I told her “it’s just a hula, coincident lang yon… relax!”

To me it was nothing, REALLY! Kasi she’s into a relationship at that time and ako naman yon ang mga panahon na hinahanap ko rin ang sarili ko, binubuo ko ang sarili ko dahil wasak nga ito.

We ended the conversation pero honestly may “goosebumps ako!”

So parang wala lang nangyari… nakalimutan na namin yon.

Until one morning I woke up I felt something different but was not telling her because I know the situation, basically it can’t be the two of us and at that time AYOKO na talaga dahil I felt like I was born to be hurt lang.

prior ang lahat ng mga napag-usapan, nangyari we have communication pero hindi madalas, bihira lang din kami mag-usap, hindi naman ganon kami naging close, naging close lang kami na parang isang araw lang noon… yong araw na naisipan kong mag 2012 na ang buhay ko. Dati may gusto na ako sa kanya pero I was thinking na may asawa siya so ang taas nga ng expectation ko kasi ang ganda niya sobra. One time nakita ko lang yong facebook account niya na ang profile pic niya eh kasama niya yong long time boyfriend niya, hindi naman ako nagselos kasi wala naman dahilan pero sobrang nadisappointed lang ako dahil honest to goodness ang nasabi ko that moment eh “ay ano ba yan disaster hindi sila bagay! She’s too pretty for that guy!” so wala lang since then ayaw ko na siyang kausapin dahil sobrang nadisappoint lang ako talaga yon lang yon!

I don’t believe on magic but it happened… I don’t know where, when and how it all started between us…

Until one day we both decided to fight what we’ve got for each other, until one day we both realize we love each other, until one day we both realize that we’ve been thinking about each other… everything has been changed without us noticing it.

When we both decided to be with each other parang nag-suicide kaming dalawa… dumaan talaga kami sa butas ng karayom. We didn’t mean to hurt somebody else just to be happy, nagkataon lang that the fate we chose eh ganon ang situation. Mahirap kasi we know may nasasaktan, may nagagalit and walang araw na dumaan na hindi kami nahirapan, nasasaktan, nagagalit, napipikon pero still parang wala kaming karapatan to feel that way dahil we know may mali but we fought the love we had for each other. We always secured each other that at the end of the day we still have each other, that we will make it through until everything will fall into its proper place.

Dumating din ang araw na natapos ang lahat… naging tahimik and both parties pero nagtagal din ng mga three months mahigit, ang hirap pero lagi nga niyang sinasabi sa akin na dati na “I will endure any pain just to be with you, kahit paulit-ulit pa akong masaktan I will still endure it because of the great love I have for you!”

We went through together sa darkness ng buhay namin pero we secure na one day we will still find that light and mahanap din naman ang daan na maging tama na lahat ng mali, matapos na ang mga pagkakamali in the past and IT HAPPENED!

Masarap ang feeling na dadaan ka sa hirap before you will taste the sweetness of life. Mas inalagaan namin ang isa’t isa dahil alam namin hindi madali ang pinagdaanan namin just to have each other now. Hindi madaling masaktan na sabay nagmamahal ka rin. In this lifetime we have now, mas nabigyan namin halaga ang isa’t isa at mas naintidihan namin ano ang ibig sabihin ng relationship and mas naintindihan namin anong ibig sabihin ng salitang pagmamahal… isa lang yan ang alam namin SACRIFICE! After all the sacrifice we have… we endured it… we lived with it… learned with it and now we see the light after the darkness we went through.

I thank you! (bow) hahahaha


4 comments:

  1. nakakainspire naman tong kwento mo poy :)

    Magic talaga pag nahanap mo yung someone na worthy ng love mo.

    We cannot really choose who to love, but somehow destiny helps those who seek for true love. Ika nga, "seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given unto you."

    "...I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars"

    Truly, there's a good side to every problem. Every problem carries with it - a gift. Just as how the feeling of dying carries with it a paradoxical sensation of living.

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  2. astig to... “I will endure any pain just to be with you, kahit paulit-ulit pa akong masaktan I will still endure it because of the great love I have for you!” ang sarap ulit uliting basahin...

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  3. i am happy you found someone na ipaglalaban mo.. i am happy for you! -jenny

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